The past few days I’ve been dealing with feelings of loneliness. These feelings come and go, but I’m learning that it’s natural, especially when you get out of a relationship. The challenge for me is what to do with the lonely feelings. My natural thought is to find a guy I can spend time with for companionship, but right now that’s not what I truly desire to do. If I were to get involved with a guy right now it would be to fill a need, which isn’t healthy for me or fair to the guy. So I have to fight the urges and continue to heal, alone, no matter how difficult it may be.
One of the things that God told me today as I was spending time with myself is, “You have to learn how to healthily exist without a man before you can healthily exist with one, or else you’ll continue to be in co-dependent relationships.” He is so right. If I don’t learn how to be alone with myself, when I get in a relationship it will be all about what the man can give me emotionally. I’ve learned that it’s dangerous to depend on a man to give me what I can’t give myself. That’s how I lived in the past which caused me to overlook the red flags that were waving in my face. I was so focused on wanting a man to make me feel loved and desired, that I ignored the unhealthy characteristics he possessed. I don’t desire to live that way anymore, so even in my moments of loneliness, I have to let it burn and find other healthy things to do. I watch movies, play games on my phone, go shopping, read inspirational books, spend time with God by reading the Bible and praying, work on tasks related to my purpose, hang out with friends, clean up, visit people, or just relax and do nothing. Those things keep me from wallowing in my feelings of loneliness. Either I accept where I am right now or pout about it and fight the process. Doing the latter doesn’t make it better so I choose to accept it and find other things to do.
What about you? What do you do when you’re feeling lonely. If you’re like me and feel tempted to find another love, DON’T DO IT! Fight the feeling and keep focusing on your healing. Hang out with girlfriends, go to the gym, read a book, pray, write, go shopping, or do something else that you enjoy. If you want to get what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done. Tell your flesh NO and let it burn. It will pay off in the end because you’ll be emotionally healthy and prepared for God’s best choice for you.