When I tell you my flesh has been screaming for companionship lately, I mean it’s been SCREAMING! The soul ache within me has been deceived into thinking that a human being can fill the void. For so long I used men to ease the pain, so my flesh is craving what it’s used to. But now in this new season of my life I desire to make different choices and heal, but my flesh is fighting with such tenacity and vigor. The internal battle that’s raging within me is almost unbearable at times. But if I want change I have to continue to let my flesh burn.
Today I watched one of Oprah’s Lifeclass episodes that I had DVR’d but never got around to viewing. It was the episode where Bishop T.D. Jakes was talking about his new book Instinct (the same book I mentioned yesterday that I’ve been reading). He said a lot of profound things that spoke to me, but the part that stood out the most was when he was counseling a woman who had repeatedly cheated on her husband. They ended up getting divorced and she was on the path to healing the brokenness that caused her to cheat. Bishop Jakes told her that she needed to get to a place where she didn’t need external sources to validate her. He said she needed to continue doing the work of healing and let it take as long as it takes. Then he said, a man shouldn’t have to save her just to love her. As he spoke those words of wisdom to her, I felt he was speaking directly to me. I’m currently in a place of healing from the deep hole in my soul. For so long I’ve looked to men to validate me, pay attention to me, and want me because it was missing within me. But what I heard God speaking to me through Bishop Jakes’ words was that I need to continue on the path that I’m on and keep doing the work. It would not be healthy for my healing to keep using men as a bandage to cover my wounds. Like Bishop Jakes said, I have to allow the pain to occur and not use people like drugs to fix the parts that hurt.
This is the most challenging storm I’ve ever had to go through but I know in the end it will all work out for my good and God’s glory. I have to stay the course and resist the temptation even when it hurts so that I can be a witness of what God has done for me so that you’ll know He can do it for you too. Be encouraged my sister and continue to just let it burn.