One of the things I realized about myself today is that I’m afraid of making the same relationship mistakes that I made in the past. Recently I’ve been conversing with a guy, just getting to know him as a person, and I realized I was comparing him to another guy from my past who turned out to be emotionally unavailable. I invested a lot in that relationship so I fear doing that again.
When I saw that I was making this comparison today, I had to stop and journal to process my emotions and get to the root of what’s going on within me. I realized that I needed to forgive myself for the unhealthy relationship decisions I made in the past. I also had to admit to myself that I’m not that same person anymore. I’m more aware of my emotions and have been making healthier decisions. I have a closer relationship with God and have to trust that He will guide me. I don’t know what this current guy’s purpose in my life is, so I trust that in time God will reveal that. In the meantime I will get to know him as a friend and continue working on myself.
I share this with you to encourage you not to compare the next guy you meet to a guy from your past. It’s not fair to the new guy, and it’s not fair to you. If you’ve been doing the work to become better, then you’re growing and not who you used to be. Forgive yourself for the decisions you made in the past and pray that God will lead you in the future. Release yourself from the old perception of you and start embracing the new you. You’re different and it’s time for you to acknowledge that.