I’m learning that a healthy relationship starts with me. If I’m not at peace with who I am as a person, then I will project my negative perception of me onto others. This projection will cause me to think how I feel about myself is what others see and feel. That causes friction in relationships because I will start treating them the way I think they think. For instance, one of the things I discovered about myself last week was that deep down in my core I believe that I’m not good enough, not valuable, not important, and not significant. Now intellectually, I know that’s not true. But early in my childhood, I internalized those lies and they’ve been driving my emotions, thoughts, and interactions with people ever since. I noticed it even with this blog. I’ve been writing on this blog for months, but yesterday I chose to share it with the world. I realize that I had been hesitant to share it because I thought that what I had to say wasn’t good enough. But when I finally got down to the truth of what I believed about myself last week, I had to combat it with truth which has liberated me. I found scriptures on value, worth, and significance to start meditating on. I was reminded in Proverbs 31:10 that my price is far above rubies. Isaiah 43:3-4 showed me that I am a precious commodity to God. John 3:16 spoke to me that I was worth dying for. Isaiah 43:1 showed me that I am a child of the King, so that means I’m royalty. Reading these scriptures shifted my perspective and empowered me to think differently.
For so long I looked for unhealthy doses of acceptance, validation, and love from a man. My belief system led me to chase after the wrong types of men, thinking that I had to prove my worth and value to them. I was attracting men who treated me like the person I thought I was. I engaged in attention seeking behavior so that they could notice me and see me as special and worth being with. I thought that my identity, significance, and worth was contingent upon whether a man had chosen me. As you can imagine, when I wasn’t with someone, I felt unworthy, unwanted, and unloved. But God showed me through His Word, that my worth, value, and significance is in Him. The more I believe that about myself, the more healthy relationships I can have with other people.
Let me ask you a question…what do you think people think about you? If a lot of negative thoughts come to mind, I’m willing to bet that’s how you feel about you. Where do those thoughts come from? At some point in your life, you internalized those things about yourself and now you feel that others believe that too. I encourage you to explore your internal belief system about find out what you really believe about you. Once you do that, search the Bible for the truth. Compare what you believe to what God says about you. Meditate on those truths so that can change your belief system about you. Before you can have the healthy relationship you truly desire, you have to have a healthy relationship with you.