Last night I had a new beginnings party with some of my close family and friends and it was amazing! I wanted to celebrate the next chapter of my life, thank God for what He has done, and thank those who supported me during my separation and divorce. Here’s what I shared with them last night:
These two years have been a journey. I think back to October 6, 2012 when I left to go to dinner to celebrate with my godmother and sisters not knowing that when I got back home I would find that life as I knew it was about to change. I remember that night my friend had texted a few of us telling us to watch an episode of Iyanla Fix My Life with the Six Brown Chicks who was a group of black women who had come together to start a blog and promote friendship and unity among women. Well they were having discord amongst them so they called Iyanla to help. When I got home I noticed my ex-husband wasn’t there but the car was outside so I thought maybe he had rode somewhere with a friend. I texted him but he didn’t respond so I sat on the couch and started watching Iyanla. It was a good show and at the end there was a moment when one of the women found out that her husband had cancer and she had been trying to deal with it on her own. So they all surrounded her and loved on her. Little did I know the same thing was about to happen to me. My ex-husband finally texted me back and said “You deserve better, you deserve so much better.” I was confused. Then something told me to go look around in the closet and that’s when I saw that he had packed all his stuff and left. I was numb. Up until that point I was very guarded and private and was used to handling things on my own. But that night I couldn’t do it. I needed help. I needed my friends. I texted a few of my close friends and they called back in shock like I was. It was around 11pm at night but they agreed to come over. That night they sat with me and allowed me to cry and process my emotions. Then they surrounded me just like on the show and prayed for me. That moment was the start of me letting my guard down and getting closer to my friends.
Although my ex-husband had left, I was still willing to work things out so for 10 months I held on to hope that he would come back home. I prayed, fasted, and sought God for comfort through the scriptures and wisdom on what to do. In August of last year after completing a fast, God gave me my answer. I found out shortly after the truth of what my ex-husband was doing and had to face the reality that our marriage was over. When I found out, I was once again surrounded by my friends. They helped me to process and just comforted and supported me during that time. At that point I realized that I needed to go to counseling to get help. I realized that my brokenness had caused me to select an unhealthy mate and enter into an unhealthy marriage. I was tired of being in unhealthy relationships so I chose to heal. My counselor is amazing and anointed and God has used him to help me peel back the layers of my wounds that I had suppressed for so long. We’ve worked through my daddy issues, mommy issues, being molested at a young age, abandonment issues, rejection issues, and now we’re working on the negative beliefs I have about myself which has been running my life up until this point. I’m going through an extreme makeover and blossoming from a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.
So when I look back over all that God has done, my ex-husband leaving was the best gift he could have ever given me. Yes, I went through moments of feeling angry, bitter, sad, hurt, confused and all that. But the life that I’ve gained is far greater than what I lost. I have deeper friendship connections, I’m more open and transparent, I’m walking in truth with myself, I’ve discovered a strength that I didn’t know I had and I’ve become a fighter and more bold (which my friends can attest to. Lol), I’m clearing the clutter and feel more at peace within, I’m learning how to love myself, I’m not so defensive and guarded like I used to be, my relationship with God has been strengthened, my purpose has been defined. I’ve started a blog site to share my truth during this process and to help other women break the cycle of unhealthy relationships and learn to become healthier individuals and love on themselves so they can have healthy relationships with others. I’m thankful because my latter days will be greater than my former days. The best is yet to come! That’s why I can forgive my ex-husband and wish him nothing but the best. I’m thankful for every tear I cried and every pain I felt because God was with me just like He said He would be.
I share my testimony with you to show you what God can do and to encourage you to do the work on yourself. Get healed from the past things you’ve gone through. Do what you have to do to release the bitterness, hurts, pains, anger, unforgiveness, etc. so you can walk in freedom. I’ll be the first to admit that doing the work isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable, challenging, humbling and some days you may just want to quit the process. But it’s so worth it and God will send you other women who are doing their work too to encourage you, just like He did for me. It’s time for us to be free and walk in new beginnings so we can reach back and help other women make it through. Everything I’ve been through was worth it because of what I’ve gained.
So that’s why I wanted to celebrate this season of new beginnings. I want to celebrate you for being there and just walking with me through all of this and praise God for all that He has done. God has great things in store for me and for you too. I’m looking forward to it all.