Today I had lunch with a really good guy friend and his words inspired me. He shared that at this point in his single life, he’s content and can accept if God chooses not to send him a mate. When we departed, these words whispered within me, “see yourself with you.” The words created a lump in my chest because for the longest time I’ve envisioned myself with a man. I started this healing journey with a determination to be whole and content with me; but, I’ll be honest and share that during my separation and now after my divorce, thoughts of who my next mate would be has been in the back of my mind. I’ve fantasized about what he would look like, how we’d fall in love, how happy we would be, and the kids we’d have. I’ll even be honest and share that I’ve entertained thoughts of being with the guy friend that I had lunch with today. So when I heard the words “see yourself with you,” I instantly became afraid.
What am I afraid of, you ask? What would happen if I let go of the idea of being with a man. It’s been my comfort, like a security blanket. It’s been my distraction. I wondered, “Lord what is it like to think about a future with just me?” It’s so foreign, but I need that. I want to live for me and not exert so much energy and brain space thinking about who will be next. Yes, I still desire to be married and have a family, but I can’t control that. However, I can control how I choose to live and see my current life. I prayed for God to help me to let go. Then I received this message from the Heather Lindsey app on my phone: “If God tells you to do something, rest assured that He will open the right doors and take care of you. Stop stressing out.” Through those words I felt God saying “It’s okay Shavon. I know you’re afraid but there’s so much life I want to give you. Let go. Spread your wings and fly.” But, I reasoned, if I let go then I would have to eliminate my plan B and trust You with everything. Exactly!!
In that moment I felt the need to create a vision board for me as a satisfied single. I thought about what that would look like and what I wanted for me. As I created, I felt my fears subside. I guess I just needed to see it. Creating that vision board and thinking about plans for me made me feel empowered and assured that being a whole, satisfied single is attainable. That’s the perspective I’m starting this new year with.
How about you?