During my counseling session the other day we were looking at the times when I’ve relapsed into old behaviors and trying to identify the source of those relapses. As we explored, my counselor helped me to see that my behaviors stemmed from my view of singleness. He shared that my view of singleness was causing distressing emotions that resulted in me resorting to my old ways of coping with the distress.
He was so right. When I really sat down and thought about it, I have been looking at my singleness through a negative lense. I saw singleness as the absence of a man; a condition that deprives me of getting the attention, affection, and companionship I desired from a man; a condition that is in the way of what I really want. Basically, I have been believing that singleness is a problem that needed to be fixed. Well when I look at it like that, OF COURSE it would cause frustration and discontentment. Lol. And as my counselor asked, who’s to say that when I do enter into a healthy relationship that I will get everything that I believe singleness is keeping me from? Hmmmm….
But today I’m realizing something else. What was also adding frustration was what I was exposing myself to. I was engrossed in other people’s lives on social media which caused me to desire what they had. I was watching certain things on tv that promoted romantic relationships, which caused me to desire the same. Well when I expose myself to that OF COURSE I would feel discontentment with my current state. Those things were appealing to my heart’s desires and making me want those things right now.
So for the past two weeks I’ve purposely unplugged from social media and only been on there recently to promote ministry stuff. I’ve also been limiting what I watch on tv. As a result of that, I’ve noticed how content and at peace I feel. Lately I’ve been feeling good about my single state and seeing the benefit of this time and season. I’ve had more time to focus on God and explore my own emotions. I have more mental space to create workshops and generate ideas for future ministry opportunities. Basically, I’ve become more focused.
So in seeing the difference in myself in these two weeks. I realize that I have to be intentional about guarding myself from things that add no value to this season of my life. I love myself enough to shield myself from certain things, even if it means sacrificing watching my favorite shows or going where I used to go. I love myself enough to protect myself from anything or anyone that would bring harm. And for me, that’s growth. Growth that I truly thank God for.
What about you? What’s been causing you to be discontent with your singleness? Are you willing to make adjustments to protect you?
Dr. Tony Evans preached an awesome message on Becoming A Kingdom Single. I pray it ministers to you like it did to me. http://m.oneplace.com/ministries/the-alternative/