A letter I once wrote to myself that I want to share. Maybe it applies to you too…
Hey sis, there’s something on my mind that I want to talk to you about. It’s regarding the man in your life. I’ve been listening to you talk about him lately and I can’t help but wonder if you’re forcing something that’s not meant to be. Not because it’s not God’s will or desire, but simply because he’s not truly what YOU desire.
I mean, I’ve heard you point out his positive attributes as a way to justify your reason for being with him. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy or anything, I’m just recalling the conversations you and I have had and he doesn’t align with what you said you desire in your heart.
Accepting this truth means settling and keeping your boundaries and not investing more emotional energy. It means making some hard choices and being uncomfortable. Accepting this truth means no matter how many likes you get on social media or how many people agree with you being with him, it won’t change the reality that he’s not what you desire. Accepting the truth means the answer from yourself is NO.
I know you’ve invested a lot of time and emotions into him. I know you feel like you’ve gone too far to turn back now. I know you see the potential of what you could be. I know you’re looking for signs and glimmers of hope that he’s the one. But sis, I’m watching you and listening to you and see the inner struggle you’re experiencing from battling what you have against what you truly desire. I know it would be hard to face the truth and let go of the hopes of what could be, but what’s the alternative? Staying in it, settling, and being unhappy? Choosing to stay with him knowing you really don’t accept him for who he is and subconsciously trying to change him, which contributes to the conflicts in your relationship? Marrying him and then later getting a divorce because of the unreconciliable differences, that actually existed in yourself before you said “I do?”
Sis, we can make this be about a lot of things, but the simple, naked truth is….he’s not what you want. Not because he’s a bad person but simply because him at his core doesn’t align with you at your core. And as a result, deep down inside you don’t have peace about being with him. Now you can say I’m wrong, justify it, rationalize it, and deny it all; and that’s truly your choice. But because I love you, I can’t sit on the sideline and remain quiet. Now when you truly decide to stop fighting what’s evident, what will you do with this truth?
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach
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