This week, many of us have seen the beautiful love story of the #foreverduncan surprise wedding that Alfred Duncan planned for his fiancé Sherrell Duncan (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, just Google #foreverduncan). As I watched a few videos of their special day on my phone, I could feel butterflies forming in my stomach and my heart melted as if I were the woman blessed by this amazing expression of love. I noticed my reaction to the love story and naturally started to fantasize about the future love of my life and our special day. Then I caught myself. I was about to do what I have been guilty of doing before….create a fantasy based on something I saw in the movies or someone else’s life and expect it to be my reality. DANGER! DANGER!
Why is that dangerous? Well, first of all, that puts my future love in a box. What if he doesn’t express love that way? Will I ignore all of the other ways he shows love because I’m looking for this specific way? Seems so unfair to him. Second, it robs us of an authentic experience. What if our story will be totally different from others? If I’m fixated on how I think it “should” go, then I miss out on all of the 1,001 possibilities of how things could go. Lastly, it creates an overindulgence in someone else’s life and distracts me from my own. That leads to discouragement and impatience because what I fantasize about isn’t happening right now. It also robs me of seeing the joy and amazingness in my life today.
So I say to you, BEWARE of comparing your life to others. Rejoice with others in what God is doing for them AND rejoice in what God is doing for you. If you’re in a relationship, don’t start looking at your man sideways because he didn’t do what Alfred Duncan or some other guy did. Appreciate your man for who he is and continue to accept the ways he loves on you. If you’re single, don’t covet Sherrell Duncan’s experience. Be happy for her, pray for their marriage, and then be prayerful about your own experience while enjoying your single life. We each have a unique mark to leave on this earth. Alfred and Sherrell may be fulfilling their assignment to spread love throughout the world and change the perception of marriage. What is your mark? What could God be using your life story to create? Let’s take our eyes off of others and stay focused on what God wants our unique footprints to be. Your story is important too.
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach
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