When I was younger, I remember always wanting to have my mom to myself. I didn’t want to share her with the men she was in relationships with. I just wanted it to be me and her. So as you can imagine, I was not happy when she got married when I was a preteen. I carried that feeling throughout the 20+ years of their marriage and when it ended in divorce, selfishly I figured I could finally have her to myself. However, a couple years later she remarried and the unresolved feelings I had were triggered.
As much as I would like to blame my mom for my feelings, I recognize that it was a projection of how I felt about myself. The same undivided attention I desired from my mom is the same thing I was craving from me. I noticed it every time I got into a relationship. The little girl inside of me would get jealous and wonder when it would just be about her. Not that the guys were bad, I just hadn’t spent enough quality time with myself to heal that hurting place.
Recently I ended an 8 month relationship because the little girl in me was fed up. She was tired of having to compete for my attention. She wanted to feel loved by ME, not from an external source. She was tired of the short-lived singleness that ended as soon as another man came along. I started to feel the inner turmoil, which was really her crying out. So in honor of her, I made the tough decision to let go of the familiar place of focusing on a man so I can attend to her needs. For over 30 years she’s been yearning for some uninterrupted quality time so it’s imperative that I take a break and love on her.
Now I’ll admit that this is a learning process for me but I’m determined to figure it out. I just try to discern when she’s telling me she needs something. Like today when I saw an email about a bus trip to NYC to see the Rockettes at the Radio City Music Hall, I could feel her leap within me. So in honor of her, I chose to book the trip. It brought tears to my eyes because I was practicing honoring what I wanted and choosing me. I’m learning one moment at a time.
Sis, today I encourage you to listen to yourself and make decisions that support self-love daily. It’s so important because a healthy relationship starts with YOU. ~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach
I’m losing myself. Lost in a relationship that consumes me. Thinking that with him is where my identity lies. Overly concerned with what pleases him and what he wants, while ignoring the silent cries within that speak, “but what about me?”
I’m losing myself. Focused on the image of perfection. Painting a picture for others to envy, while at the same time feeling the deep disconnect within. My heart feels like it’s breaking into a million pieces. Letting go of the need to keep it all together.
I’m losing myself. I’m losing the desire to allow a part of me to dominate my life. The part of me who is comfortable dimming her light so that a man’s light can shine. I’m losing the need to let her keep filling my mind with “you’re not enough so you have to perform for him.” I’m losing the need to live less than my most powerful self.
I’m finding myself. I’m finding the inner strength to fight for connection and peace within me. I’m finding the pieces of the puzzle that were missing so I can heal. I’m finding patience with me and trusting that where I am is okay. I’m finding the inner love and compassion that I’ve been longing for. I’m finding out that what matters most is that I’m good with me. I’m finding my voice.
This present journey is chaotic. Seems like a world war is happening within. The fight for ME is so strong, but I’m winning. Resilience. Power. Strength. Boldness. Courage. And the beauty is that I’m not in the fight alone. I feel my soul’s presence and the Spirit of God. He too reminds me that He’s fighting for me and won’t let go. In that, there is no defeat. Even when it seems like I’m losing, I’m winning because every moment creates purpose. Internally it feels chaotic, but to Him it’s perfect for my transformation. What an amazing journey.
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach
I just needed to scream. Everything that I’d been holding onto. Every word that I had never uttered. Every unnamed emotion that I felt, needed to be released in a scream. As I sat in the company of my sisters in the recovery group, I let it out. I screamed to the top of my lungs like I was fighting for my life. I screamed for the little girl whose father wasn’t present. I screamed for the woman who has been looking for love outside of herself. I screamed for the woman who had had enough of the same unhealthy cycle. I screamed for the woman who didn’t want to keep it all together anymore. I let it all out and suddenly everything stood still. The anxiety and anguish was replaced with calm. I felt God’s invisible, yet loving arms around me. Letting go was exactly what I needed to do.
Sis, what are you holding onto today? What burdens are you carrying that weigh you down? Aren’t you tired of trying to do it all by yourself? Aren’t you tired of journeying alone? That baggage wasn’t meant for you to keep carrying like an accessory. That pain you experienced was for purpose, not cargo to drag around. I know you’ve probably been carrying it for so long that it’s become a part of you. It would probably be uncomfortable to go without it, but…..what if?
What if you could travel a little lighter? What if you could let go of what keeps you feeling stuck? What if your clipped wings were reattached so you could fly? Imagine what it would feel like to be FREE….
That freedom can start with a simple release. Kick, scream, cry…do whatever you have to do to let it out. There’s healing in the release. There’s peace in the letting go. Don’t worry about what you’ll look like or what people will think if they heard or saw you. Just give yourself permission to let Go and trust God to meet you right there. The next steps to take will come, but in this moment I admonish you to just let go. You’ll be so glad you did.
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach
Having trouble letting go? Let’s schedule your free life coaching sample session so we can discuss more. Let me support you in living your life on purpose. Contact me today at firstname.lastname@example.org.