I’m losing myself. Lost in a relationship that consumes me. Thinking that with him is where my identity lies. Overly concerned with what pleases him and what he wants, while ignoring the silent cries within that speak, “but what about me?”
I’m losing myself. Focused on the image of perfection. Painting a picture for others to envy, while at the same time feeling the deep disconnect within. My heart feels like it’s breaking into a million pieces. Letting go of the need to keep it all together.
I’m losing myself. I’m losing the desire to allow a part of me to dominate my life. The part of me who is comfortable dimming her light so that a man’s light can shine. I’m losing the need to let her keep filling my mind with “you’re not enough so you have to perform for him.” I’m losing the need to live less than my most powerful self.
I’m finding myself. I’m finding the inner strength to fight for connection and peace within me. I’m finding the pieces of the puzzle that were missing so I can heal. I’m finding patience with me and trusting that where I am is okay. I’m finding the inner love and compassion that I’ve been longing for. I’m finding out that what matters most is that I’m good with me. I’m finding my voice.
This present journey is chaotic. Seems like a world war is happening within. The fight for ME is so strong, but I’m winning. Resilience. Power. Strength. Boldness. Courage. And the beauty is that I’m not in the fight alone. I feel my soul’s presence and the Spirit of God. He too reminds me that He’s fighting for me and won’t let go. In that, there is no defeat. Even when it seems like I’m losing, I’m winning because every moment creates purpose. Internally it feels chaotic, but to Him it’s perfect for my transformation. What an amazing journey.
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach