I hate going shopping. I don’t have the patience for it. I don’t have time to slow walk through the aisles perusing all the clothes on the rack, just to find the perfect outfit. Instead, I’d rather walk in the store, quickly survey everything in the room and wait for that something to catch my eye. If it doesn’t, I leave and go to the next store. In my mind, I don’t have to spend hours in the mall because I know what I’m looking for and will recognize it when I see it. With that approach, I’m in and out in no time without buying things I had no intentions of getting. As a result, I save time, energy and money.
I’ll know it when I see it….If only I could take that same approach when dating. Just like with the stores, I have an idea of what I truly desire in a man. I can’t quite put it into words, but I believe I’ll recognize him when I meet him. Although I know this to be true cognitively, I still find myself lingering with people who I know aren’t “him.” Similar to shopping, when I meet a guy I can discern pretty quickly that he’s not for me. Yet I still engage and entertain him, only to find out later that I’ve expended unnecessary time, energy, and heart space on someone that I really wasn’t meant to go past an initial conversation with.
I’ll know it when I see it…Waiting for “him” requires courage and strength to sacrifice what may look or feel good in the moment, in exchange for something deeper, meaningful, and long lasting. Otherwise I continue on a cycle of temporary satisfaction and lose out on permanent fulfillment. Expending energy in an unfruitful situation can be exhausting. It’s like releasing pointless breaths or traveling with no destination. It wears you out and makes the journey tiring. But when I take the time to listen to the voice within and follow my instincts, I’m guided right where I need to be.
My quest for 2018 is to be still and listen, so I can be guided into exactly where I need to be. Life is a journey and filled with discovering wonderful things about self. I just have to trust myself and continue to believe that I’ll know him when I see him. And in the meantime, move in and out of things quickly because time is of the essence.
~Shavon Carter, The YOU Relationship Coach